What a difference a year makes

I can't beleive it's been over a year since I wrote the last grievance. Barsha has been relieved of the burden imposed upon her by the worse neighbors ever to enter her life, This chapter, hopefully is closed forever.

Fourth Report

I believe I've stressed the point of my grievance, and should let the matter work itself out. I hope the incidents will stop. If I'd written this earlier, I would have said a lot of unkind things, but I won't belittle myself or damage my dignity by unleashing an enraged heart. I will pray and pray and pray.

Third report

This morning I went out to have a change of scenery, monday and wednesday are my antique searching days. I would have gone out anyway just to remove myself from the premises for awhile. Hunting for treasures always lift my spirits, I don't find much, the hunt and search puts me in a good frame of mind. It's my therapy and path to expectation that isn't lowered because I fail to find anything, expectation is for the hunt.

Something strange happened when I was in one of my favorite spots prowling around. I felt panicked and uneasy, sick to my stomach, even a little faint. I asked myself what was going on? I said don't let those incidents get the best of you. My neighbor's annoyances had to be the reason for that dizzy episode. Thoughts of them remained on my mind despite my efforts to enjoy my time away from home.

I told myself to straigthen up, don't let this defeat you. Those people are going on with their lives, feeling good about themselves without a decent care in the world. I went to the restroom to collect myself. I was angry about the way I felt, I was letting them get to me and interfere with my peace of mind. I said never let them see you weak, they will never see me weak. I refused to let a tear wet the tip of my lashes in reaction to frustration.

I began to repeat, I'm a strong child of God, no weapon formed against me shall
prosper. The  words were strenghtening. I felt better, I continued to enjoy my outing.
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4:34 p.m.

I've been contemplating about the threat of a breakdown suddenly looming over me. Maybe it was due to a restless night.  I tossed and turned for hours without getting much sleep, then I went out on a very hot day without eating breakfast. It couldn't have been about certain people childlike behavior. I was tired and fatique, I wanted to get away, I ignored my condition.
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 My Greivance Analysis

My greivance isn't about their behavior, I need to examine my mental stability and reactive response. I never want to be unlearned and unaware of personal self. I emcompass my life, situations will confront my life. I need to know that I'm rising above acceptance of environment. I intend to cross many bridges until I find the one that leads me out. I will get out, I'm not resolved to accept this fate as my final destiny.

I wasn't raised in this type of environment, my mother spent her teen years in New York, she was prim and proper. She despised the inaccuracy of our speech, and tried, although in vain, to teach us some of her more elegant ways. We weren't middle class, we were poor and didn't know it, however the neighborhood was embedded with decent  and repectable people. The neighborhood was a village raising everyone's child. A bad kid couldn't get far, because everyone knew your parents. Children were respectable of adults, they listened then walked off and mumbled..

I always tried to fashion myself after my mother, I taught myself to speak with less intensity to vowels and became conscience of how I dragged a word out. Representing myself  in a befitting manner grew as I began to raise my own children. I still had a couple of tongue twisters for awhile, which my children loved to repeat, it helped to correct those left overs. I changed myself for improvement, I didn't accept flawed pronunciation and half voiced words, or continued to pronounce words in the manner I did as a child, as if I had no concept that I was speaking improperly.

Moving north was scary and frighthening, we were one in a million of our kind. I'm glad my children were able  experience another side of life and learned to speak or grew up speaking with a northern dialect. That's why some of my escaping draw tickled them. Don't get me wrong, I want to be known as a southerner, I love the south.  The point I'm trying to make is that it's important to correct imperfection and improve mannerism. Environments aren't always perfect, everything has room to be critiqued a little.

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I consider myself in this neighborhood by default, which is dissolution of marriage. But, as a whole I'm here because I didn't upgrade myself in the work field or further educate myself enough to be considered for a job where I had no related skill. I'm here because I didn't fight for equal rights in my marriage, I failed to make demands on myself. I refused to see myself as a capable woman. I didn't provide an alternate system to replace the original  in case of change.  I'm here for every reason I failed myself

When something went wrong I fell flat because I didn't provide myself with a strong support system. I allowed destruction of my self esteem, I didn't pursue a higher education, I only worked part time jobs and settled for being a housewife while letting the man handle everything. My confidence was always shakey or teetering back and forth. I didn't push myself to do better or to be better after I lost myself and related only to being a mother and wife.

My ex-husband got the house, I couldn't afford to keep the house after my extended stay for the sake of the minor child, who would be of age in six months later. I managed to get part time jobs to supplement the child support payments which helped me to pay the mortgage. After that I was out of a home because I lacked the necessary skills to get a job that would have helped me to possess ownership.  

I lived with two daughters at different times, then I came to this place to keep from living where I was making the lifestyle ove rcrowded. This place is my mother's house, she moved here before things became as bad as they are. My brother has lived in the house for decades, I've been here nearly eight years. We have never experienced neighbors like these.

Of course they aren't the worse people to live next to despite annoyances.
Maybe when they can at least see the error of their ways, we'll be good
neighbors. I don't know what it is about me and my brother that they
immediately disliked. We stressed our opinion in hopes that we were
dealing with mature minded reasonable people. I guess everything we
said was taken as a personal attack and criticism, instead of
approaching the matter from a logical point of view.

What really gets to me is the mutilation of my car, it has been keyed and
scratched several times. I can't say with absolute surety who has desecrated
what's left of it's fading gold color. However, I do know for a fact that these
episodes didn't occur until those people moved next to me. I thought if I
moved my can unto the main driveway and off the grassy section between
our homes, the problem would cease. Regrettably, my car couldn't escape
children on bicycles, scooters, skates and running amuck as if they were
in a public park.

Now that their father has shown his true colors, and let me know without a doubt
that he supports invading my property, I will do everything I can to ignore their
presence. I'll come and go without having to see them as much as possible.
Unfortunately, I can't opt out of hearing the nuisiance of their noisy life.

Second Report

Sunday morning

The neighbors had a barbecue yesterday. I opened the door to find a burnt towel and a plastic bag with smelly crabs hanging on the fence. I continued on toward my car, unlocked the door, placed my purse and bible on the seat. Mr Certain was sitting in his truck getting ready to leave. I returned to the yard, went to fence, took the smelly bag off, tied it up, then placed it in my trash can.

I hadn't noticed that he'd gotten out of his truck. When I turned around  he said, "oh, I thought I got everything. I said to myself, really how could you miss a white plastic bag hanging on your neighbor's fence. I asked, "whose towel is that?" He said, "I don't know who left it there", and preceded to move the towel. He apologized about the trash and asked how I was doing.

I said, "fine, how are you?"  he replied, "I'm doing alright." I headed back to my car, he followed and started a conversation. At some point we began to talk about invasion of privacy and children sneaking into yards when no one is home to steal water. I explained to him that someone was purposely scratching and keying my car, a point I mentioned when I informed him about his son. I told him that is why I didn't want children hanging around my car.

He was understanding, and reassured me that he will tell his son to stay away from my car. I left for church feeling good about the conversation, maybe they weren't so bad after all. Later that day while my son was visiting I looked out the door, I was surprised by what I saw. The very same person who said he would keep his son and his friends away from my car, was leaning against my car with his friends. I recognized one of the men as the person present when I talked to father about his son, he himself said that the boy should stay in front of his house. I didn't know what to think.

I asked my son to tell them to get off the car. What kind of message was he trying to send me? That his son should do as he say and not as he do. There's one rule for children and another for adults. Did he think our earlier conversation meant it was alright for him to lean on my car because he understood my concern, and he should be exempt. I can't tolerate their ignorance of manners and lack of respect for my property.

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Evidence that implies the good suffers with the bad isn't correct, the good suffers with the inclination of the bad, and to aid to the inury they aren't believed to exist. No one cares, it would be nice if someone cared about the abandoned society of good and Godly people suffering in silence, afraid to openly speak out for fear of  possible retribution.
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First Report

Earlier today I played classical music to cleanse my mind. Decent behavior for certain people where I live has lost it's prominent stature. Regardless of the poor account prevailed upon as low income, society within communities bound under the guise of lesser means and fated to survival below normal standards, decent behavior remains a concept placed upon the conscience and will of discretion.

Take for example, certain people I endure from day to day on this dead end street. By certain people I refer to those of whom I speak, void of others possessing a mild nature who live a silent and secluded life, as I prefer. We are disclosed to ourselves, however, when the opportunity arrives we exchange light chatter and friendly greeting. I  must say friendly greetings are usually a shared bond among each neighbor.

These certain people were the unwanted muse that led me to write this blog. They moved next door to me several months ago. The kids looked pleasant, they were friendly and seemed to be well behaved. However, as the days past by it became evident that they weren't little angels. They started throwing trash in our yard, banging on the fence for no apparent reason, their ball accidentally flew across the fence so they could enter our property to retrieve it over and over again.

I expect my quiet world to have a level of interruption during the course of a
day, but certain people without bounds restricting their acceptance of ignorance convey total disrespect for their neighbors. I can't recall a single account of a friendly greeting or introduction. They automatically assumed it was alright to use my fence to drape rags or tee shirts. My car became a resting post for their friends and relatives. My fence was also delegated as a backboard to shoot hoops.

One shameful day I couldn't take hearing the clang and jiggle of that ball clashing against the fence. I was trying to rest because I had a headache. The certain people were gathered outside with friends and other children. I guess they thought it would be nice for the kids to have something to do. I walked to the door,
saw the grown ups standing there smiling and thinking nothing of the noise, and I snapped.

This is what I wrote about the melt down...

I yelled, that wasn't me.
Was I right to yell? I can't say.
I felt I was within my right to yell,
but should I have yelled?

Why does it matter?
I think I should address my spirited
dramatics in response to the noise.

So what if I stressed?
I spent hours listening,
And grinding my thoughts to hold
back my temper.

I hoped the disturbance would
simmer down, but it didn't.
Should I have ignored their
disregard and disrespect?

They were taking liberty
to abuse my property.
It's not so much the property
as the principle of respect.

I'd heard enough, and couldn't
bear to hear the noise another
second. So I yelled!!!!!!
Stop throwing that ball on
my fence, that's irritating.

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Six days ago, I attempted to report my account of their son bashing his foot against the headlight of my car and slapping his hand across the hood to the proper authorities. I was surprised and disappointment when told my eyewitness account wasn't sufficient enough, and deemed a phantom story because the officer didn't witness the incident.

I was advised to talk to the boy's father, after all in places 'like these" and apartments we have no jurisdiction of  property. My intention wasn't to claim ownership of the driveway, I wanted to defend my property which sits on the land of which I have no rights. The bleak advice to talk to the parent only pitted my complaint against the denial of his son. I'd hope that the conversation would at least establish a boundary, it has helped a bit, but I can't rest knowing he has access to my car's surroundings.

During our talk the father agreed that his son should stay in front of their area when he has friends visit. He mentioned that he himself told his son not to lean on my car. His son said in his defense, I told them not to lean on her car. He obviously forgot his denial of ever being near my car. I noticed the father didn't address the fact that I said his son kicked my car. His avoidance of the foot to my car issue made it clear that he didn't want to believe his son could do such a thing.

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My grievance is I detest the ignorance of acceptance as an excuse to fail life's inalienable right to be decent and respectful to others, yourself and society as a whole. I'm irritated beyond belief, I want to degrade them for self satisfaction, but undo words won't detail the underlined problem. My meek and quiet world no longer has a moments peace,

I must constantly protect myself from the threat of being influenced by distorted manners. Crudeness of words are secondary in nature as embellishment for compelled behavior signifying strength, and boldness of attitude within confines having tainted representation. This is life expected for those who willingly accept it as fate, while conveniently blocking out any positive aspect which could help guide them to choose a more favorable lifestyle.

"Life is basically what you make it, with what you choose to utilize and build upon. I believe character should be the cornerstone for monitoring behavior, it's a trait completely within our control. Without character you have nothing in which to base yourself."